One Year Ago

One year ago….so sick to my stomach….barely functioning. Even now when i think about it my stomach comes up to the top of my throat. i have to fight to overcome the terrible feeling that washes over my body when i remember one year ago. There was so much anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. There were so many heavy things weighing on me all at once. Such a strange feeling of deep loneliness, walking the halls in the hospital, walking around Denver, feeling so lost and yet i was never really alone. i felt as though i had totally lost my compass. His Word says He will never leave us or forsake us. i can admit now it was my own fault, i had turned my back on Him months earlier. i had been so angry and bitter. So many good friends walked through this with me, upheld us in prayer, kept in touch. Thank goodness for cell phones, wow did i burn up the minutes. Grasping for any sense of “normal” i could find. There was none. How do you ever forget the moment the phone rings and your life changes. Dan and i were at the farm, down on the creek shooting targets…..it was surreal “We need to see you, can you come in……..right now?” This is never a good thing to hear when the doctor calls. The ride back to town, i remember feeling like i was going to pass out, everything inside me was shaking. i have no idea how at that moment i would have made it through if Dan and i hadn’t been together. You know, looking back you truly have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. What a fool i was to try it without turning it all over to God. Today, it is so much better. i am facing the fact that it would have been easier if i’d reached out toward Him, that i failed. What a mistake….shake your fist in His face and……sheesh, how stupid of me to turn away. Some of that sickening feeling is that i knew better. i guess we all stumble and fall, the question is do we stay down or get back up again. We have the privilege today of having a walking miracle with us. She is doing so well. i am so grateful. Thank you God for for giving us more time and not turning Your back on me even though i turned away from You. i love You.

Watch

i have learned the hard way that you should watch where you're driving, when you're driving. We were on the mountain elk hunting and see a bull headed for the trees. We know right where is going to go and where he will come out. My job is to get around him and wait at the end. Brian jumps in the trees to push and i jump on the wheeler. i'm so excited, i have to watch the elk, am i ahead of him yet? Oh yeah i check the trail. Oops i'm not really on the trail, correct, and when i do the wheeler leaps forward, hits a rock just right. The first thought i have is...this stupid thing is going to roll right over me. Sure enough it throws me out and then comes right at me, around we go and i'm thinking, i'm ok, i'm ok, might even come out of this one all right. i think i would have too, but the last roll took my leg and twisted it up and around my head, going in the wrong direction. Clunk, as the last of the weight of the wheeeler touches the ground, my knee!! It hurts to even remember. The other leg is pinned under the front wheel as we lay on our side. Stuck like chuck, i cannot move it one little bit, dispite everything in me, it has me pinned in the dirt. Yes, watch where you're driving, when you're driving.

We're Gaining A Daughter!

Braxton and Anastasia are engaged!!! We are so happy for them! They are getting married in Mexico on the beach! June 2, 2011. We will be having a receiption in Riverton July 9th.

Dave Barnes - God Gave Me You

Still stuck on music. This one is for you Brian. i love you, so very grateful for the Divine conspiracy!

Finally!

Finally got into the Walleye, but not for lack of trying! We have fished hard this spring. What a wonderful Father's Day weekend we had on the water, not just because we caught fish. Lots of sun and fun. Love hanging out with Honey!!

Powerful Music

Nothing seems to really reach in and grab your heart like a good song that hits the spot. One of my latest favorites is Matt Maher’s Hold Us Together which is posted below. (Pause the other player at the bottom on the blog first so they don't play at the same time.) The first thing that strikes me is the truth in the words. Love. Seriously… love can’t do a lot of the things we chase so hard after as humans. But it’s all you need! I love that it’s waitin’ for you….knockin’ at your door. It’s what your heart is for! So back up…what is love?? God is love!! This song means so much to me, because in a very difficult time in my life, when I seriously wonder some days if I will just explode from the pressures and issues that happen in life…..God will hold me together! Make me a shelter to weather the storm. Then I get the privilege of taking what He has taught me, and share it with my brothers, fellow humans who just like me go through hard stuff in this world. Without some of you just being “my brother’s keeper”…..you know, caring about and loving me, this would have been a much more painful and lonely walk. So yeah, I’ve been loving this song for a while now, but then God tells me something so much more. You’ve got to go look this up! Google Laminin. Better yet, YouTube Louie Giglio’s “How Great Is Our God” Louie teaches about Laminin it’s so amazing how truly God holds us together…..literally!! If you only make time for the Laminin part, look for the (short version). I would really encourage everyone to watch all of “How Great Is Our God”. It’s broken into 5 parts, each from 5-8 min. Very much worth your time friend.
When it feels like everything is so out of control, it’s never too big for the “Star Breathing God”!! I love Him so much! The One Who always loves me!!

Matt Maher - Hold Us Together